


Of Fond Farewells & Old Friends Past

by shadowsamurai



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 03:11:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsamurai/pseuds/shadowsamurai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sheridan didn't want a fuss when it was his time to go. Didn't want to have the goodbyes, the tears, the anguish.... He didn't quite get what he wanted. There was one person fate required him to talk to before the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Fond Farewells & Old Friends Past

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Sleeping in Light (Season 5, Episode 22). Watching this the other night, first time in years, I realised just how isolated Ivanova was from the others. In a way, I could understand how her character had changed like that, but at the same time, it didn't fit at all. And my muse decided that there needed to be more interaction between her and the others, specifically Sheridan. So, the muse came up with this. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't...as always, you decide. :)
> 
> I own nothing, I'm just playing. :)

The temptation to leave was overwhelming. After losing so many friends, so many people she held close to her – and there weren't that many to start with – Ivanova didn't feel she could cope with losing another. She had wanted to refuse Sheridan's invitation, but didn't. Couldn't. They had been through too much for her to deny him that. Yet a part of her was still angry with him, upset that so many years had fallen by without contact from him. She understood he had been busy, yet she could not be the first one to break the silence. She shifted on the bench, knowing she should have been asleep but also knowing being awake was far more important. Ivanova had thought that by being with her friends again, she could relive some of the happiness she had once known, yet while Sheridan, Garibaldi and Franklin had seemed even more at ease with each other than ever before, she had stood on the outskirts, feeling like an outsider, a stranger, and it hurt her. Part of her separation was her fault, Ivanova knew that, but after Marcus had died and she had left Babylon 5, none of them tried to contact her. She supposed they were leaving her to work through her grief alone, but in a time when she needed a friend, no one was there, and that hardened her just as much, perhaps more, than Marcus' death.

Then there was Delenn's offer, an offer Ivanova wanted to accept, but didn't know if she should, could or would. Being so involved with something that would constantly remind her of three close friends she had lost would be difficult; Sinclair, Marcus, and soon Sheridan as well. She didn't know if she was strong enough any more to deal with something like that, didn't even know if she wanted to be.

Footsteps brought her attention back to the present and Ivanova turned to look down the corridor at who was approaching. As he came into the light, Sheridan stopped dead in his tracks. This wasn't a part of his plans, and he felt his heart beat quicken. He had hoped to avoid just this sort of situation, yet a part of him was glad she was there. As he stood frozen to the spot, Ivanova studied him, her insides turning to ice, a cold breath of fear creeping over her skin. He was dressed in his old black uniform, and instantly she understood its meaning. Today was the day, and he had hoped to go before anyone else arose. That was why she could not sleep. She could sense his anxiety, understood it herself. She would not have wanted to see anyone either, but now they were aware of each other, it couldn't be helped. Sighing, Ivanova rose to her feet.

“John.”

Sheridan clasped his hands behind his back. “Susan.” Ever since she had arrived on Minbar, Ivanova had been distant, cold towards them all, except Delenn, and he wasn't entirely sure why. He thought that twenty years might have been enough to mellow his former second-in-command, but perhaps there was more at work he didn't know about. “Susan, I'm sorry.”

Ivanova stared at him. She had been prepared to make her leave, not say goodbye, but his words stopped him. “What for?” she asked before she could stop herself.

Sheridan sighed and relaxed his posture, taking a step towards her. “I'm sorry for never contacting you after you left Babylon 5. It wasn't until I got back to the station that I heard you had left. To be honest, I was shocked, and though I understood your reasoning, to be honest, I was a little hurt myself. I thought that after everything we had been through, I would at least get to say goodbye. Then with the Alliance being in its infancy....” He trailed off and spread his hands. “That's no excuse. I didn't offer you the support I should have and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't as good a friend to you as you have been to me. And I'm sorry for not taking the time for you while you've been here. It's just...it's so easy to be around Michael and Stephen – and Vir – with them laughing and joking. Helped me forget...what's to come. But you...you're a part of my life as well, a big part, and I know I haven't done as well by you as I should have.” He swallowed past the lump forming in his throat and took another step towards Ivanova. She didn't move away. “I have another favour to ask, though I might not have any right to ask it.”

In the silence that followed, Ivanova realised he was waiting for her to say something before he continued. She took a deep breath to try and calm herself, his words firing deep emotions in her she thought she would never feel again. And she realised this was what she had needed, just a little time alone with him. She had it with Sinclair before he left them, and with Marcus, and she realised she needed it with Sheridan as well. Needed some positive, special memory to sustain her.

“You can ask, John, and the chances of me saying yes are high...because it's you.” Ivanova took another breath. “You're right, I did need you. And Michael and Stephen and Delenn. And you weren't there. I suppose I could have contacted you, but....” She shook her head. “In a way, I think I needed that complete separation to get on with my life. I always lose the people I love, John. My mother, my brother, my father, Jeff, Marcus...and now you. And dammit, I do love you. As my friend, like a brother.” She tried to fight back tears, but it was a losing battle. “And I wanted to be mad at you, wanted to hate you for abandoning me, but I couldn't. I couldn't be as mad at you as I was at myself. Because I've spent the last twenty years running away from my life, not living it.” Hot tears of frustration spilled over onto her cheeks. “I've spent the last twenty years wishing someone would rescue me...wishing you would come for me, and you never did!”

Sheridan choked back a sob and he reached out to Ivanova. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never realised...I never thought....”

“You couldn't know,” Ivanova replied, shaking her head. “I didn't realise how isolated I'd become until earlier, when we were all together again. It just wasn't the same, and I realised it was my fault. At any point, I could have contacted you, but I didn't. Because I was afraid of losing you, which is going to happen anyway!” Reaching out, she took hold of his arm. “I'm sorry too, John, because I haven't been a good friend lately either. And...I just wanted you to know that before...before....”

It wasn't clear who moved first, but within seconds, Ivanova had her arms wrapped tightly around Sheridan, and his arms were around her, and they were clinging to each other as though their lives depended on it. All the words they couldn't say they put into that hug, everything they were feeling came through, and both sobbed until they had no more tears to give. When they finally separated, Sheridan took Ivanova's face gently in his hands and wiped hers tears away with his thumbs.

“You are one of the most important people in my life, Susan. You have been for a very, very long time. And you are definitely special to me. Never forget that.” He smiled at her. “I'm glad we got to talk...before I left.”

Ivanova brushed his bearded cheek with his fingers before taking both his hands in hers. “You said you had a favour to ask of me, John. What is it?”

“Accept Delenn's offer to lead the Rangers,” Sheridan said. “It would mean a lot to me to know that they are in such good hands. And also to know that Delenn has someone here who she knows so well and trusts so much. And...I think it would be good for you. Might help you heal.”

As he spoke, Ivanova realised he was right and with that she made her decision. “Alright.”

He squeezed her hands and smiled. “Good. Good. Thank you.” He looked at the horizon, the sun climbing steadily in the sky, and his expression became sombre. “Time for me to go.”

Ivanova wanted to cling to him in that moment, beg him to stay, pray Lorien had been wrong. But she didn't. Instead, she stood up on her toes, and kissed his cheek. “Take care, John,” she said quietly, releasing his hands.

Sheridan nodded. “You too, Susan.”

Without a backward glance, he walked past her, knowing she would not be watching him leave. As he headed to the flight pad, Sheridan felt his heart and soul grow lighter, and he smiled. _Now_ it would the perfect day for a Sunday drive.

FIN


End file.
